Somebody just failed to meet your expectations. Again… How hard can it be? Why are they hurting me? Why don’t they do what is obviously right… And on top of that it is probably not the first time this has happened. Often this results in a myriad of complaining in our own minds and we might even share these thoughts with the people around us.
So many of us use way too much energy on situations and relationships that are taking another direction than expected. If our expectations weren’t met, then something must be wrong with the other person or the organization, so we start figuring out how they could be different in order for us to feel better.
Being full of initiative and a wish for something better are very good drivers. However, it is not very well used on trying to change the things or the people around you; if only your boss, your colleagues or maybe your spouse were acting different – then you would feel better. Unfortunately, this leaves no way out because it is not realistic to make other people and/or groups of people responsible for how you feel.
The beginning of a way out of any situation is acceptance – acceptance of the person, the situation or the organization and the fact that this is what this person/organization currently brings to the table. This will make it possible to act. This will make you see clearly what is, and then decide how YOU want to handle the situation.
Thus, acceptance of what is, is NOT the same as accepting things that will bring you harm. Acceptance is about seeing situations and people as they are and in this get a clarity that will make it possible for you to move forward.
Think about how you want to position yourself, instead of hoping that the other party will change. What need/desire is hiding behind your frustration? How can you take responsibility for providing your needs/desires for yourself or elsewhere? Once you start taking care of yourself and your needs/desires instead of waiting for others to change, then things will move forward.
How to get unstuck with acceptance:
After accepting what this certain person or maybe your organization is currently offering, you can ask yourself the following:
- When I get frustrated, what desire/need is hiding behind my frustration?
- Is there any way or anywhere else I can get this desire/need fulfilled? Maybe even by myself?
- Is there anything else I can do to improve this relationship/situation?
And finally, then –
- Do I need to change the circumstances (organization/relationship)?
Enjoy experimenting with getting unstuck…