When you hold back


When you hold back

Somehow most of us have the impression that there is a certain way to do things that is most likeable, and a model for success that fits us all. In an effort to have a good life we try to comply, because who wouldn’t want to be liked and be successful? Good jobs, intense exercise, many kids, desirable addresses and a certain level of prosperity are just some of the things we measure our success with.

Besides having been brought up with the belief that the only way to be in any kind of group or community is to hold back, we make an effort to show that we are in control.  But we all have good days and bad days. Joy mixed with doubt and fear. Failures on our journey to success. At some point in our lives we are all afraid of being too much, too little, too weird or even downright wrong. Paradoxically the hunt for success and being liked and loved has for way too many resulted in a holding back of what is really there if you are just you.

Many believe that if we want to stay a part of a group or community – especially the successful and likable ones, we need to comply and hold back.

Holding yourself back means that your colleagues and family will not get to know the gems hidden inside you. Also, if you keep holding back you are in essence not choosing yourself. You choose to comply rather than just be you.

The consequence of holding back is that you will close down parts of yourself that will make it impossible to relate, live and work truthfully.

The holidays are approaching and many of us will have opportunities to talk about and display what is really in our heart or on our mind… So here is an invitation to tell the people you meet:


  • What’s really on your mind?
  • How do you feel?
  • What do you believe in?
  • What matters to you?


Make your encounters this holiday matter by not holding back – just be you. Because if you don’t, you will ultimately wither away regardless of how liked you are and how much success you have.


Happy holidays


Skærmbillede 2014-08-01 kl. 13.07.17